The Digital Library
Trauma & Attachment
Case Studies & Articles:
The Experience of Stress and Trauma: Black Lesbians in South Africa
Reflections on loss
loss
/lôs,läs/
the fact or process of losing something or someone.
the state or feeling of grief when deprived of someone or something of value.
a person or thing that is badly missed when lost.
a reduction of power within or among circuits, measured as a ratio of power input to power output.
Reflection:
What has felt lost, who are you afraid of losing? What is lost in the physical, spatial, sexual, emotional, linguistic, and psychological intimacies you are holding and sharing? What moments, parts of the self, etc. are you afraid of losing? Who are you afraid of losing? Is it yourself? In what dynamics are you losing more? Are they losing too? How can you grow, become full, blossom? What must be lost, what must be gained/re-gained for healing to occur?
Toxic Relationship dynamics
Trauma Bonding, Codependency, and Narcissistic Abuse
Un-Gendering Partnerships
Like with all of these sections, the most important thing you can do is talk to the person you are fostering intimacy with. Are you holding space for them and their happiness? Are you being fair? Are you using language that is careful and loving? Are you holding space and accountability for your hurtful sentiments and emotional/cultural transpositions?
Racialized Disgender and Disruptive Futurity in Lorde’s and Engelberg’s Cancer Narratives
Boundaries and expectations
You cannot reduce harm, hold space, hold romance, hold accountability, or heal within any kind of relationship dynamic without boundaries. Ask yourself, what are the boundaries I need right now in general and for myself and, in relationship to this person I care about?
Facilitate a conversation with your friend, family member, or partner. Clearly communicate your boundaries, what you need them to respect, stand by, and adhere to for trust and safety to occur. Allow them the same to vocalize their needs and boundaries as well. Set aside intentional time so that both parties can focus and actively listen.
As the Love is Respect(Boundaries and Expectations) article states: When boundaries are set, there’s an expectation that they will be respected, and setting boundaries helps us know what to expect in our relationship. Having agreed-upon boundaries and expectations gives partners a layer of security in the relationship that helps build trust.
We are often given stories regarding love and the ideal of romance as being frenzied, wordless, deeply passionate. But, in my experience, that is where harm, confusion, disregard, and negligence lives. I think one of the most attractive things you can do is move slowly and clearly whilst learning and respecting your lover’s boundaries. Romance falls into place when your boundaries and expectations do ( I really like the SELF article suggestions). Surprises, little moments, knowledgeable and partner particular acts of affection will always be more special and endearing than the alternative.
Black feminity and pleasure
The intimate and cultural ways in which pleasure and the ability to receive pleasure fully has never been completely honored for many Black women and femmes. Furthermore, considering the experiences of assault, emotional or physical coercion, and intimate partner harm reduction and repair, reflect on the scope, breadth, time, and reverence friends/lovers/loved ones have been able to hold for you, your pleasure, and (new/all) moments in intimacy(physical &/or emotional).
Consider this, in what ways have you been closed off in your experiences to pleasure? How has your partner(s) held open space, loving, intentional moments for you to derive pleasure from? How have you done that for yourself? How can you do that for yourself?
In what ways were you taught culturally to constrict your derivations of pleasure? How has trauma played a role in your feelings in/toward pleasure? How do you give/get pleasure from a partner? Does it serve you?
Black women speak to being socialized to fear their own pleasure, & what we can do about it
Black women face greater scrutiny than white women for being polyamorous